I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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