cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
