we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
