I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
