he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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