wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Barsexuality is the new black.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
