You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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