none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize