Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
