Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
