how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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