woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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