Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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