1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That accounts for only three of the penises
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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