i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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