Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
