Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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