Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
