I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
