my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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