I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
