you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
