No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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