Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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