Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
