All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
