i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
