he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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