return my video game
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
