True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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