Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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