Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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