well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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