I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
whose parrot is this?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
