is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
