i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
