I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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