fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize