He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize