i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
