I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
