his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
