Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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