there's paper in my vomit.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
