He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
