Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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