The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
