the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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