You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
