is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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