Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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