I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sext me about skeletons
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
