Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
