When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
