oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
