Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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