Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
