My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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