Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
