just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
