i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
