HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
