so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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