I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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