just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
