i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i think i just lost a toe
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