Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
