Where is the hickey?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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