we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
