Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
