i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
