watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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